If you use them in your own writing, why? What purpose do they ultimately serve to your plot? For me, I'm fussing with one in particular -- trying to use it to establish part of a character's personality and show the beginning of a relationship. The seeds of a love story, so to speak, planted with a battered guitar on a hot summer driveway.
Here's a brief excerpt I've been playing with... narrated by Sydney, a teenager on the run with her boyfriend in one of my WIPs.
Neil's Guitar
Neil didn’t know I was watching. I
didn’t move, just opened my eyes enough to see him sitting in the wingback
chair by the window. His quiet humming hadn’t wakened me. Not really, anyway.
The song had woven its way into my dream and brought me to the surface enough
to realize Neil wasn’t beside me in bed anymore.
Instead, he sat across the room,
his eyes closed. The fingers of his left hand played the chords in the air,
close to his chest; his right made vague strumming motions against his thigh.
It was a piece he’d written for me as a gift. It was soft and gentle, soothing
and haunting. It raised goose bumps up and down my arms every time he played it.
It killed me that we’d left his
guitar behind. He’d been lugging it around – almost everywhere he went – since we
were both kids. He picked it up at a garage sale one day when Gran made us go
with her on one of her “Sale Tours” around town. Gran took forever at those
sales. She’d wander around, picking up this chipped coffee cup or that dented
serving tray, remembering out loud some time when she’d had supper with the owners.
It took ages. So I’d hunt for piles and boxes of tools or car parts, and Neil
would hover at the end of the driveway, staring off into space, biding his time
until we could leave. He’d never complain – he loved Gran too much to do that.
But this one day, he got out of the car and made a bee-line for a battered,
black guitar case.
It still had stickers on it from
the previous owner. Seventies bands and peace signs and one that said “Make
Love Not War” in tie dyed letters. One of the latches was broken. But inside,
Neil found his treasure. An old acoustic guitar, missing a string, but still
remarkably in tune for how long it had probably been sitting in a closet. He
picked it up and held it to him like a baby. And he strummed and fingered the
notes for the opening of Stairway to Heaven. He was thirteen years old and he’d
never told either Gran or I that he played.
I watched him from where I was
crouched by a banker’s box of old paperbacks. Gran watched him from the top of
the driveway, even waving off Mrs. Cutshall who wanted to reminisce about when
she last used the limp tablecloth Gran held absently in her hand. Gran nodded
once, and started bargaining with Mrs. Cutshall quietly. I turned back to watch
Neil, who had settled down in a rickety old ladder back chair, lined up with
several of its mates along the edge of the yard. He’d moved on from old rock
classics, to…strangely…children’s songs. He was playing All Around the Mulberry
Bush for some of the little kids, now gathered in front of him. They clapped
and danced when they recognized the song.
Even then – the slow smile that
spread across his face as he held that old guitar made me hum inside. Made me
feel warm. Made me want to touch his cheek or smooth the hair out of his eyes.
Even then, I was in love with him.
Gran marched down the driveway
toward him. “Pack it up, Neil.”
“Is it time to go already?” He tried
to look bored again as he laid the instrument back in its case.
“Next sale won’t wait forever. And
don’t put that back. Bring it along, now.” She pointed at the guitar.
Neil stood, holding the case to his
chest with both arms. “Bring it?”
“Well, sure. It’s yours.” That’s
all she said. Just walked back toward her Chevy and left Neil to stare after
her, wondering if he’d understood.
“C’mon, dude,” I’d grabbed his arm
and tugged him down the driveway.
Now, sitting here in this dingy
little motel, all I wanted was to give him that guitar back, battered case and
all.
He came to the end of the piece and
stopped humming. I’d been watching his fingers as they formed the chords, but
when they stilled, I realized he was looking at me.
“Did I wake you?”
I shook my head.
He didn’t say anything, but looked
out the window and cracked his knuckles, rubbing his thumb over the calluses on
his fingertips.
“I love that piece. Takes my breath
away every time.”
He looked back at me with his
slight smile. “I’ll breathe for you, babe.”
I'm working on a fiction where the main character flashes back alot (also her true love story reminisce). I wonder if it's cheesy but I guess I'm juxtaposing her flashbacks with her present world. Does that work? BTW,I like your young lovers in "Niel's Guitar"
ReplyDeleteI do think that a juxtaposition of current and past "worlds" or lives can be very effective with flashbacks.
ReplyDeleteI just finished a newer Meg Cabot novel called Abandon in which she flashes all over the place! Her character is starting a new life in a new town, but flashes back to tragic and life-changing events that occurred before the story time-line. It was very effective. (Also a good way to show her growing relationshiop wtih one of the Gods of the Underworld...but that adds another whole angle to the story, doncha think?!?)
Thanks for your kind comment about Neil and Sid.
I think you did that flashback beautifully! I have trouble with them when it’s not clear when you go into the flashback, and when you come out. Or when they last too long and you forget you’re even in a flashback, so it becomes jarring to come out. Like waking up suddenly from a dream and having to remember where you are. But yours was quite graceful and believable.
ReplyDeleteThanks, Dawn! I appreciate your encouraging words... And good luck with your recent publication! :)
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